why?
“Nam ya ho rang gay que, nam ya ho rang gay que, nam ya ho rang gay queeeeeeee”
– Tina Turner
So a couple nights ago I decided I needed something different in my life. I’m not really sure where the urge came from, it’s always been there honestly but not as strong as it was a couple days ago. This time it was really strong. A strong emptiness…like something was missing but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was. Usually when I feel that way I’m hungry or broke lol, but that wasn’t it this time. Anyway, I tried to ignore it. I started scrolling the gram (cause thats what we do when we’re empty right lol) and I ran across a the spiritual cleanse hashtag. Click after click, reading caption after caption it came to me…I need to do this myself!
Just a few hours before I came to this conclusion, a male friend said to me, “Your desensitized….like a nigga”. I paused for a second and realized he was right. I could only agree! What got me to this point? Why have I been ok with only focusing on my business for the last year and nothing more? Why have I been going through the motions in situationships and been TOTALLY ok with dismissing the guys like they never existed?
Something in me needs to heal…..
The day prior I was sick. Sick as shit actually. Probably because I drunk too many different kinds of alcohol in one night. Probably cause I ate something I knew I shouldn’t have been eating but I wanted it any way (I can be a glutton like that sometimes). Whatever it was, I put too many different things in my body that night and it resulted in me being sick as hell the next day. Can we say, “lack of self discipline”! That’s been happening all too often and each time I say, “I’m not going to eat/drink that anymore..FUCK that”. Yet and still….I do it again.
Something in me definitely needs discipline….
2 weeks before I was worried…worried as hell! Over the last 6 months I have finally experienced being a FULL TIME entrepreneur. Ya’ll know what that means…AIN’T NO CHECK EVERY 2 WEEKS BIH! Now, being in corporate america for the last 14 years of my life, I’ve only ran my business as “side hustle’s”. Oh but shit gets real now! If I don’t work, I don’t eat…and well my work is making sure people eat. Business can slow up around the holiday’s if you aren’t careful. And well…I wasn’t too careful. On top of that, I tried to bring a “business partner” in MY business and if the other party isn’t on the same page…shit just doesn’t work. Yeah so um…I was worried. Worried and forgot who my source was, smh.
Something in me needed more faith….
Some weeks before my face broke out. Now, I’ve never had the most perfect skin like EVER but, it’s never gotten bad to the point where I couldn’t control it. I have to admit, there have been plenty nights where I’ve fell asleep without washing the makeup off but I started doing better. So, I decided to buy some skin care items that seem to be amazing for others. Yes they are truly amazing but I was still breaking out. Why? WATER!!!! I need water that I don’t drink enough of!
Something in me need to HYDRATE….
All the sign’s of why I was feeling empty were there I just wasn’t paying attention. I need to heal my body from past experiences/trauma, my diet has been completely outta wack, and most importantly I’M NOT PLUGGED IN TO THE SOURCE! A spiritual and physical cleanse is DEFINITELY in order!
No meats, No processed foods, No sugar, No dairy, No alcohol, and most importantly NO SEX! Lots of meditation, praying, clean eating, water drinking, daily yoga and exercise will take the place of those things that I’m removing from my life for 31 days. I know this will definitely be one of the most difficult task I’ve ever taken on BUT one of the most rewarding I’m sure.
By the end of this journey I WILL be healed, disciplined, faith driven, hydrated
